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Author Topic: Crusader's Quote of the Day  (Read 111527 times)
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kikuchiyo
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Shi loves me, Shi loves me not


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« Reply #300 on: Fri, April 9, 2004, 03:54:15 »

That is one of the funniest shirts ever. ;D
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JCVaughn
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Vi Et Armis.


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« Reply #301 on: Sun, April 11, 2004, 05:03:35 »

There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.

- William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar


For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

John 3:16
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Delvie
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« Reply #302 on: Wed, August 25, 2004, 06:30:16 »

Thought you might find this mildly amusing

The Question: "How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?"


  • 1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

  • 2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

  • 3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

  • 4.. Rottweiler: Make me.

  • 5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

  • 6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

  • 7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

  • 8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

  • 9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

  • 10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

  • 11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

  • 12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.....

  • 13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

  • 14. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

  • 15. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.



  • The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs.
    >People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"


ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF[/color]
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Delvie
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« Reply #303 on: Fri, August 27, 2004, 14:13:13 »

This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.
Bricklayer's Accident Report
Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation, and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.
« Last Edit: Fri, August 27, 2004, 14:17:12 by Delvie » Logged

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boomvavavoom
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« Reply #304 on: Mon, September 20, 2004, 19:59:46 »

"Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other."

Dalai Lama
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Nishiko
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*thump*


« Reply #305 on: Sun, October 24, 2004, 00:42:35 »

Just had to post some sillies from bash.org, o blessed repository of IRC quotes...

<kow`> "There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."
<SpaceRain> That's only 2 types of people, kow.
<SpaceRain> STUPID


<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS


<kylev> BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<kylev> hahahahaha
<kylev> some girl just came onto our floor
<kylev> and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper"
<kylev> i just asked her what the paper was about
<kylev> and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism
<`Neo> bahahahaha


<O.J.> Radio interview quote from Marine Corps General Reinwald and a female radio host. He wants to host some boy scouts at the training center for some practise excercises. As follows
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
<GENERAL REINWALD>: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the Marines!


<DemonEater> wtf
<DemonEater> ESPN is showing 2003 national jump rope championship
<DemonEater> who the hell watches jump rope competiti--- ooh bouncy


<ikkenai> i don't have hard drives. i just keep 30 chinese teenagers in my basement and force them to memorize numbers

And, because I know y'all just love some of your European neighbors...

<Sabdo> on one of those speech-to-text programs my friend ripped ass onto the mic.
<Sabdo> and it typed out "France"
<Sabdo> we were like, wtf?


;D ;D ;D ;D
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\"How do you know the Chosen Ones? No greater love hath a man than he lay down his life for his brother. Not for millions, not for glory, not for fame -- for one person, in the dark, where no one will ever know, or see.\"
Delvie
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« Reply #306 on: Wed, April 13, 2005, 22:28:20 »

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL...

WHAT THE %^*$ HAPPENED!?
« Last Edit: Wed, April 13, 2005, 22:28:34 by Delvie » Logged

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JCVaughn
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« Reply #307 on: Tue, May 17, 2005, 17:46:55 »

"Any man who keeps working is not a failure. He may not be a great writer, but if he applies the old-fashioned virtues of hard, constant labor, he'll eventually make some kind of career for himself as writer."
-- Ray Bradbury
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